They think it was either a heartattack or a stroke...

My dad died last night.

Last Wednesday my dad was sitting on the edge of my bed and we were listening to Avenue Q and laughing. My dad was being "charley". My dad told me he loved me last Wednesday.

My dad died last night.

Dad didn't have time to talk to me on the phone Tuesday. That's the last time I had called up there.

My dad died last night.

My dad...I stood there in the funeral home...I held my dad's cold, lifeless hand in mine for what seemed like forever today...I kept waiting for him to squeeze it back...to open his big, beautiful blue eyes and say, "Hey, kiddo! Why are you crying?" It didn't happen. I kissed his cheeks and his forehead...I hugged his lifeless body. I ran my hand through what little hair he had left. Nothing. He just looked like he was asleep. So peaceful. Just as handsome as ever. Yet, there was nothing. Darius Todd Rawls exists no more on this earth but in my memories.

All I have of my dad's is the pictures I have collected over the years...his class ring...one t-shirt, an Alabama baseball cap, and his bible.

When I lay down to rest for a few minutes, I sleep with his t-shirt wrapped up around me. I can still smell him.

My dad died yesterday...and my world is falling apart...my heart is breaking...part of it is gone, never to return again...the part of my heart that was my dad...my dad of all my 20 years....and it's gone, gone, gone...just like him.

If it was not for my mom,Suzette and Jessica, I have no idea how I would have made it through today.

Tomorrow is the viewing from 6-8pm...the burial is Monday at 2pm.

My dad was only 40 years old.

I love my dad. I miss him so much. I just want to tell him I love him one more time...I just want to hear him say "I love you too, Tia!"

One.

More.

Time...

~~~Tia~~~